I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
