Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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