toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
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He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
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In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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