I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
she told me i tasted like america
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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