My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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