i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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