Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
