It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
