If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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