Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize