singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Who did Billy Mays play for?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
