Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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