Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
