How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
