some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
