3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
