I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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