Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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