I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
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I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
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I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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