Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
