Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
