its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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