i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
