Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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