Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
