somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
