I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
