the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize