I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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