Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Randomize
