My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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