I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
