So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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