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the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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