we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
