I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
