Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
