I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
