I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
