I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
