do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
