you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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