Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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