Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
