I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
