so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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