I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
