Ambien. No doubt about it.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
