party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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