We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
