You just made me feel so damn special
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
