dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
