look no pants
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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