I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
