You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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