I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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