I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
