i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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