im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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