the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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