we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Im part way to drunk.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
