Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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