can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Randomize
