Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
my liver is dry heaving
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
