It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
